Today I realized that the AVA should ban budgerigars because they are against family values. Pet shops should be prevented from selling these birds. Budgerigars are dangerously popular as pets, especially for young children, but what kind of family values are our children learning from them???
Having kept budgerigars for close to 20 years, I have observed these appalling, anti-family traits in them:
Male budgies have uncontrollable homosexual inclinations. Give a couple of male budgies access to each other and there’s a 90% chance that they’ll try very enthusiastically to mate. If one of them isn’t keen on mating, the other one might rape him. And when they’re not going after each other’s backsides, they’ll be humping the perch, the toys, the food containers and, given a chance, their owner’s hand. What will little children think, looking at their pets doing these pervy things?!
Female budgies attack their own eggs viciously. I’ve had a female budgie which didn’t even lay her egg in the nest box we provided. She squatted and pooped it out as if it were, well, poop. And left it on the floor with the rest of the poop. When I retrieved it and put it in the nest, she picked it up and threw it away! This is child abuse and child abandonment! It might even count as abortion!! What a horrible example a bird like that would set for a young, impressionable owner!!!
Male and female budgies can’t always be told apart. Lutino males are particularly hard to distinguish from females, especially when young. Their cere isn’t the same colour as a normal male budgie’s – it can be easily mistaken for a female’s. It’s a disgusting deception! It teaches children that it’s ok for a boy to look like a girl!!
Budgies follow abnormal child-rearing practices. The female might throw the male out of the nest and raise the chicks all by herself. It’s a terrible example of one-sided parenting! What’s worse, sometimes two males cram themselves into the nest together to hatch the eggs and raise the chicks!! This is absolutely against family norms!!!
In view of how these birds do not represent pro-family values, I urge the AVA to ban their sale at pet shops and possibly ban local bird farms from breeding them. We must protect our helpless young children from absorbing the wrong lessons.
Come to think of that, my Congo African Grey is (almost certainly) male and seems to be desperately in love with my father. The bird must be homosexual. And you can’t tell male and female CAGs apart either. Ban them too!
[And now, we get serious. Because if ANYONE actually tries to take this seriously and tries to get MY birds banned, I will take it as a personal attack. And I will hunt that person down and give him, her, it or them so much shit that maybe they'll have to run right away out of Singapore like one of the founders of the anti-Pink Dot page, who apparently had to run away overseas at one point because he was under investigation for spreading hate speech.]